Warning: This is Boring

Chickens. Did you forget I have three? Well of all things to forget! Here they are working their tails off to provide me with protein and there you are forgetting all about them.

They like whole wheat spaghetti mixed with spinach and carrot baby food (all organic, of course).

They also like corn:

And dead mice (I'll spare you).

Kim likes ...

• Coffee with "Special Edition Coffeemate Toffee Nut Creamer" (even though it's not organic).
• Vanilla Wafers with peanut butter
• Butterbeans
• Saltines
• Avocado slices on top of All-Natural Doritos
• Better Cheddars
• Bullets (not to eat, silly--like all of these bulleted lists -- I love them!)

I don't have a damn thing to say, but what's new? Here's what's going on in my life ...

• I'm reading a biography of Eudora Welty written by my professor at Millsaps who advised my honors project which I stupidly chose to write on Kate Chopin rather than Eudora even though I had the only Eudora-approved biographer right there to direct me. Slowly, she learns that she's really not all that bright.
• I'm preparing for a visit to see my in-laws in Milwaukee for most of next week.
• I'm trying to make my child's 1st birthday invitations.
• I'm trying to write a Last Will & Testament (does anybody want any of my stuff, because now's the time to drop hints ... I mean, really, don't be afraid to speak up -- we have got some GEMS).
• I'm trying to get in shape for my 10-year high school reunion. Sort of. I mean, I have cut out saltines altogether and I only have the organic version of Better Cheddars if they're baked not fried.

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R&B Lyric of the Week

How could you teach him all the things I taught you?

How could you show him 'bout the ghetto kama sutra?

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GHETTO KAMA SUTRA!! I love it.

Hmmm ... what can I write about? Hmmm ...

NOTHING is going on around here that I can investigate. Admit it, we all know that that owl is dead--I've clearly established that there are dangerous baby/owl-snatching predators. The PWTPI work is SLOW SLOW SLOW. I have not been involved in the only happenings worth investigating, such as ...

Earlier today the park secretary's daughter (remember McKutie -- not her real name?) ingested some pepper spray but is fine. I did that in college ... used my keychain as an ice pick, Hottie M called 9-1-1 and when they asked if I was on any medication, she said, "Birth Control" out loud at a party in front of everyone.

A few days ago a family got stranded at the top of the ridge down which I fell --- they were a father, mother, and toddler. The woman was 3 months preggo and having complications. There were police helicopters and everything. When the rangers finally found them, she refused medical treatment from them because they were all male. I'm so sharp that I drove right through the park, past the trailhead right in the middle of the search, and missed the whole thing.

Husband & company discovered a green tree frog ... the first spotting in this county. Woo-hoo. It took three rangers, a biologist, and his research assistant to finally spot it with a telescopic lens.

I can't even believe I'm about to hit the "Publish Post" button. This is awful. Awful. Reader, don't abandon me even though I'm pathetic tonight. You know you've been pathetic before. You know it.