This Post Coming to You Live

It's one hour and 17 minutes until the party and I'm sitting here eating Peter Pan Creamy Peanut Butter directly from the jar. My mother squashed Pappaw's cake en route from
Elaine Sessum's house, so now it reads, "Hap Birthda Pappa." Oh well. It is girly and has yellow roses all over it. I guess Elaine doesn't have that many options. His gifts include lots of clothing and a ride through the newly installed GALE FORCE carwash out by the Superwalmart. He loves the automatic carwash.

Yesterday I went to my aunt's house and said hello to Satan & Company. Husband informed me that "Satan" was going a little too far and that maybe we should use Satan's Apprentice. All the Apprentice said to me yesterday was, "Where's Glen (my dad)? I've got a bone to pick with him about Eli Manning." My dad and Satan have had several altercations in the past ... mostly related to the Ole Miss vs. Mississippi State argument, which for those of you not from around here is about 49% of my dad's life. The other 51% involves mowing yards, counting the money at the church, and "restin' his eyes, which is differnt [sic] from sleepin'."

The three kids were running around wildly ... the oldest boy playing a videogame and asking his mother to "rent" him a cousin since he has none to play with and is bored ... the girl contorting her body into all sorts of bizarre positions and then demanding to know (and see) whether or not I could do any of it (I could, by the way, I do yoga and used to be a cheerleader, so HA!) ... and the younger one slamming into walls and barking like a seal while clapping his hands in front of his chin. They are 10.25, 6.75, and 4.75, respectively. Yes, they mark birthdays by quarters, which is just fine because I always celebrate my half birthday (July 21st). This year I ate the Cracker Barrell Big Boy breakfast on my half b/d.

JEB has been a total nightmare ... biting, waking up at 3:30 a.m. to play and poop and SCREAM, and demanding to get into the dishwasher all the time. Thank goodness we are returning home tomorrow. But first we will be making an appearance at the FBC Newton. I refuse to go to Sunday School, so I only have to endure one hour. Hopefully JEB will be in the nursery, but if he has a BMSF then my mother has assured me I will know because the nursery workers will notify me by way of "one of those little things like they have at the Olive Garden that buzz and light up to let you know when your table's ready." The Baptists have found technology and have not banned it (yet).

Well, I better go apply some extreme i-color (brown eyes version), lipstick, and blush so that my mother will not tell me I look pale upon arrival at the party. Toodles ...