Weekend Update Part Two: Partying with Hotties

As promised, here's the latest Saturday night recap. Since I've been teaching the art of writing an essay, this post will be an attempt to make my thesis and supporting details very coherent and unified, even though in reality I am struggling. My thesis is to give the second installment of the weekend update, but there are three major sub-points, as follows:

1. I'm totally addicted to blogging and digital photos, and have recently identified this as another cause of morphing into not only an HEM, but also an annoying friend.

2. After racking my brain and the brain's of the hotties involved in this escapade, it seems that we are either (a) not as fun as we used to be, (b) just old, or (c) both.

3. I am shameless when it comes to embarrassing myself and other people via this blog.

First, the addiction (to blogging and digital photos) and its relation to HEing and badfriendliness became clear this morning when I finally sat down at 5:00 a.m. to write this entry. I had been waiting on my friends to send me their digital photos of the weekend (since my camera is STILL broken, and I wasn't smart enough to keep the paperwork on my warranty, and there's no one I can sue, and we have to wait until after payday to get a new one). I spent the beginning of the week sending annoying emails to Molls & Kells asking them to expedite the process of uploading. (Apparently, it wasn't enough that they missed an entire day of work to come visit me.) Anyway, because I had rushed them, I was feeling the need to rush up myself as I finally sat down to write at the BUTT CRACK of dawn. And then The Goose awakened and REFUSED to go back to sleep. Husband was unable to console him, so I had to log out and drag myself upstairs to tend to him (the drudgery!). While there, I proceeded to use several naughty words to express to Husband how frustrated I was and how this was undoubtedly his fault. Then he pointed out that I was using naughty words to express myself and that I had been telling him NOT to do this in front of the baby, and I said (are you ready, this is awful): "Please do as I say and not as I do." I am such a good person.

Second, and more to the point of the title, I had a FABULOUS time spending the weekend with my friends, but going out just isn't as fun as it used to be. The night began with a huge getting-ready production, complete with make-up application (Almay's i-color shadow trios and liners of course), chicken imitation (see below), hair rolling, and mojito drinking. The hotties donned their getchasomes and headed downtown for dinner and partying. Basically, the night can be summed up in the following sentence: A bunch of old sorority girls try to relive the glory days and fail miserably. The following quotes and pictures will try to demonstrate this point:

During the car ride to the bars, the conversation switched (as all hottie conversations will do at some point) to breastfeeding ...

Molls: "Can we please not talk about breastfeeding anymore?"

Kims: "OK, let's change the topic."

Molls: "OK."

Kims: "I used to be really bad about inserting the topic of breastfeeding into every conversation. Like when Goose was a newborn I talked about it ALL the time. I'm better now."

Alls: "Yeah, me too."

Kims: "I'm much better now about not talking about breastfeeding."

Alls: "Me too ... when my kids were little bitty it's all I could talk about."

Molls: "Ummm..."

Kims: "OH NO! We're still talking about it! Let's stop."

Alls: "OK, let's turn on some music."

Molls: "I'm glad we finally stopped talking about it."

Kims: "Yeah, me too. There are plenty of other things to discuss."

Silence.

As further proof of our degenerative ability to party, here are some photos from the night:


Alls: Our Mascot and The Original Hottie ... mother of 3 (including twins) all under the age of 2 and a half. The only one of us who was offered a drink by someone at the bar.


Kims & the "Will Work for Sex" guy. In the first picture, I believe we were discussing his recent trip to Vegas. I remember saying something about how terrible it is that they use so much water for all those hotel/casinos in the middle of the desert (sort of like all the golf courses in Phoenix) and that the only time I've ever been there was just after the second war broke out in Iraq and how I spent most of my time alternately watching CNN and riding the roller coaster inside our hotel with all the tweenagers and how they kept saying, "Look, that woman is riding AGAIN." Wouldn't you love to talk to me in a bar?


Alls, Kims, Janes, Molls: This is a group of hotties standing under a fan at a bar trying to look like they're in a rock video.


Kims, Janes, Alls: See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. After you wait and wait for people to offer to buy you drinks (to no avail), you buy yourself a few shots and resort to this.


Molls & Kells: This picture was taken just after Kells threw up in the bushes outside the bar (not from drinking, mind you). I was planning to be the DD, but after she threw up, the sicky stopped drinking and then I started drinking again because who needs TWO DDs?


This is what happens when five hotties try to watch a baby ... he ends up with a Lynchburg Lemonade bottle and a busted head.

Other fun quotes from the night (which you may or may not understand) ...

Molls: "Oh, I remember her, she always had Rankin County Hair."

Janes: "My next publication is going to be called The Lament of the Irishman & the Cell Phone."

Molls (to a cute Irish guy who offered to buy Alls a drink) : "Are you a foreign exchange student?"
Irishman: "No, I'm 24. I'm a horsetrainer."

On to my third sub-point ... With regard to my shamelessness in attempting to embarrass people, here are a few shots from the real hottie days. The first two are intended to embarrass the hotties who couldn't make it for the reunion. The third is to show you just how far Alls has come. Girls, forgive me. If you have a digital shot of me during these days with my start-at-the-back-of-your-head bangs, my vintage-wine lipstick, and my way-too-much-mascara-on-the-bottom-lashes eyes, then please feel free to send it along and I will post it here for all to laugh at.


The Cat


Jens

And now we're back to the original Hottie: Alls.

In conclusion, I may need forgiveness for all of my three sub-points:

1. I am still addicted to blogging and digital photos (perhaps moreso now than ever);
2. I firmly believe we are BOTH less fun and old; and
3. I don't have much will power not to embarrass myself and others and may continue to do so on a regular basis.

BUT AT LEAST I'M A HOTTIE!