Automated Answerers

Have you ever called a company (let's call it SONY, just for fun) to ask what to do about your broken digital camera (which of course had nothing to do with your baby banging it on the table repeatedly into a pile of mashed peas) only to find that they have an automated voice named Max who, despite his sincerest attempts to understand you, cannot possibly be even remotely helpful, and causes you to have a near nervous breakdown?

Here is my most recent conversation with Max:

Max: Hello and welcome to Sony's help line. This call may be recorded to ensure the quality of your service. My name is Max and I'm here to make you feel welcome. You can answer my questions out loud by saying "yes" or "no." If you're ready to begin, say "yes."

Kim: Yes.

Max: OK, if you have an existing work order number, then say that number now. If not, then say "no."

Kim: No.

Max: I'm sorry, we don't have that number recorded in our system. Please repeat the number.

Kim: I don't have a number.

Max: I'm afraid I still didn't understand. If you have an existing work order number, then say that number now. If not, say "no."

Kim: No!

Max: I still am having trouble finding that number. Please repeat your number.

Kim: I DON'T HAVE A NUMBER.

Max: We don't have a record of that number in our sys...

Kim: I DON'T HAVE A *&^%$#@ NUMBER AND YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A @!)*#^& HUMAN BEING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Max: Hmmm, I'll have to get a customer service representative on the line. Please hold.

Poor Max.