Just call me ...

a bitch:

• Premium Exxon Fuel for the 350 mile trip south ... about $30
• The Big Boy Breakfast at Cracker Barrell ... $6.95
• Finding out that Satan and Company had a blowout in Kentucky and had to get four new tires and probably won't get here until after midnight and may even miss the birthday party ...

PRICELESS.

I've got one little word for you Satan: KARMA.

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Now that I'm here, I understand why Pappaw only eats milkshakes and 'maters. Homegrown Mississippi tomatoes are so good that I want to crawl up in one and slosh around.

So far, so good on the homefront. My parents are ignoring me because of JEB and I am just fine with that.

We went to see Pappaw in the home and that was difficult. The "Support the Troops" man had on the pajama bottoms and the t-shirt as usual, but had also put on a belt over the t-shirt. He met us at the door, which they keep dead bolted because one day he went missing and turned up at the Sonic. Pappaw is frail and it's hard to see him like that. However, his namesake, our Goose, was a hit amongst the residents. He made himself right at home by investigating everyone's walkers and wheelchairs (he's obsessed with wheels).

My dad has taken over what used to be my bathroom (imagine a large, wallpapered bathroom with old photos of me hugging youth group friends on sandy beaches, 14 bottles of Bath & Body works lotions which are leftover gifts from my graduation party (from high school), and lots of random seashells). The takeover could also be dubbed Old Man Invasion, as my bathtub now has a hospital-grade stool to sit on whilst one showers, a bottle of Selsun Blue with Menthol, three Sams-club size bottles of Dial Tropical Escape Antibacterial Foaming Shower Wash, and some sort of scrubber tool that looks like a horse brush. I dutifully removed the stool and made room for my Aveda products tonight so that I could bathe away the stress of the drive and the relatives.

Tomorrow we're making the rounds to show off the baby around town. If you can figure out how to sneak me something a little harder than sweet tea, then please let me know and I'll meet you out on Hwy 80 by the SuperWalmart.