More Praising Jesus, Cattiness, & Evolution

We just returned from Milwaukee. It was a trip. The zoo, the mall, an Irish music festival with lots of ragweed, and some purple, fluffy socks. Thank God (or should we say, "Praise Jesus" for these socks. The Goose opened up his Great Grandma's sock drawer, pulled out this pair, and proceeded to crawl around her house doing this weird sort of aboriginal dance where he'd squeal and then throw it, go get it, squeal, praise jesus, throw it. Repeat. Then when we got home today he discovered my own underwear drawer and proceeded to throw several pairs of my panties into the bathtub (with water in it).

Husband is still recovering from the ragweed but is able to work. And, coincidentally, has been featured (featured, people!) in the Tennessean. To view the article, click here.

Did you read it? The article? Did you see the picture of the hand holding the duckweed? That's Husband! My hero.

While in Milwaukee, I saw that really popular movie about penguins (can't remember the title). You know, it's the one that really should've just been kept to the National Geographic channel but somehow made it's way to the big screen. I thought it was a sweet, sweet story, but come on ... more than an hour of the arctic tundra is too much for anybody. Unlike seahorses, penguins are NOT on my list of things to be when I'm reincarnated. Breastfeeding is hard enough. Hiking 70 miles through Antarctica in the winter to mate, lay an egg, and leave it with a man just so I can hike the 70 miles back to the ocean to gorge on fish and then hike back the same 70 miles back (except OOPS the glaciers have shifted and where's the trail?) so that I can cough it up into a baby's mouth is just not my idea of mothering. But God bless the emperor penguins.

The only other thing we did that was interesting was sneaking into the Milwaukee Zoo with an illegally obtained zoo pass. We let John get in his morning nap before we went, but since he had gone to bed so late the night before, he napped for nearly 3 hours, which put us at a noon departure time, the hottest part of the day, and one hour away from his second nap time. It probably is important to admit here that I am The Nap Nazi. So when we got in the car at 12:30 p.m. and The Goose was already rubbing his eyes, I lapsed into a classic Nap Nazi Tirade, warning everyone about how miserable and short this zoo trip was going to be and citing numerous previous occasions as evidence that he would NEVER be able to withstand such heat, excitement, exhaustion, and non-organic/free-range hot dogs. (Note to reader: In the midwest, they don't sell Tofu Pups at the zoo. Or felafel. And apparently they also don't sell sunless tanner or Almay's i-color trios at the Wal-Marts. I'm sorry. Was that catty? Did y'all not know that about me? Sometimes I can be just a smidgen (which is a teensy bit more than a titch) catty. It's ingrained. I mean, as you probably can tell, I do have a serious side. For example, I want the U.S. to reduce our reliance on foreign oil (or ALL oil for that matter), but I also want everyone to reach their potential ... find their one best feature and flaunt it ... be happy ... and use Almay's i-color trios and self-tanner as needed. Which reminds me ...

I, Kimpossible, HEM, PWTPI, Hottie, aka Bob, being of sound and disposing mind and memory will, give, and bequeath unto The Women of Wisconsin the Property described below:

All of my make up (Almay or otherwise) and my self tanners (sprays, gels, and lotions). If they don't want it, then MoN can have the eye make-up (since he is amused by it) and TAH's mom can have the red lipsticks.

OK, so back to the zoo ...

Goose made it fine. I, on the other hand, was in need of Kimprovement. I disintegrated into a mound of wilted, sweaty flesh, runny eye makeup, and frizzy hair. After living in the mountains of northern Arizona at 8,000 feet, I just cannot take the heat and humidity. So mostly I just scurried from one building to the next (e.g., the cat exhibit -- appropriately, all the big cats except for the snow leopard were INSIDE an air-conditioned building).

I was most fascinated, however, by the ape/monkey/gorilla exhibits (also air conditioned). Since I grew up in the Bible Belt and was taught that evolution was, as our president would say, a theory on which the jury is still out, I didn't know that ANYONE who was moral or otherwise decent believed in evolution until I was 18.5 and attending college. I was not taught evolution in public school. I don't remember what I was taught, but it certainly was not anything about Darwin or natural selection or survival of the fittest or any of that other scientific hoo-hah.

So now I find myself reading articles about evolution or the Earth's Children Series of books or simply standing at the Milwaukee Zoo gasping at the gigantic HOLE in my education. THEY ARE FASCINATING, these creatures ... the knuckle-dragging arms, the opposable thumbs (even on their feet!), the picking stuff off of each other and eating it ... it just hits so close to home.

At the gorilla cage, I watched a couple attempt to use American Sign Language with one of the inhabitants. She first signed, "Hi, my name is Tracy," and then she tried to ask the gorilla some simple questions (like, "Do you like bananas?"). After he stood up, picked his butt and sniffed it, she stopped trying, and her partner said, reassuringly, "Maybe they know a different form of sign language."

Right. And Rafael Palmero had NO IDEA that his supplements were laced with steroids. Right.

I was thinking about good ol’ Rafael the other day. And was wondering whether or not he and Tom Cruise have ever met. Because, as you know, Tom Cruise (that short little sack of scientology $#!T), is a big advocator of VITAMINS and EXERCISE (especially for post-partum depression). Wonder if he approves of Rafael’s little supplements?

Rafael: I have never taken steroids. PERIOD. NEVER.” (later he added an "intentionally" into this same quote, after the first "never")

Tom: I have never been taller than any woman I’ve ever dated or married. Period. Never.”

Oh, there I go again … not only digression, but catty digression at that.

In other news (heretoafter abbreviated as ION …) We came home to find a dead mouse in one of the glue traps intended for the BRs. And a message on the machine that ...

THE COMMUNITY COLLEGE WANTS TO RENEW MY CONTRACT FOR THE FALL!

This is major news. I was already arranging alternative activities to keep me sane. I have a Spanish conversation partner which starts tomorrow afternoon (Hola Luisa que tal? Donde esta la biblioteca?). Lord help us all. And I had also planned to sign up for a quilting class at Michael’s. The Goose starts school next week so you may have to endure a few really really awful posts where I just weep and weep and wonder why I have turned him over to the Baptists (his program is at a Baptist church) while I sit at the bookstore reading up on THE MASK OF MOTHERHOOD, landscape architecture, and evolution. It's only from 9-2 on Wednesdays, but it feels like infinity already.

Happy Friday!

The End.