Snippets

Y'all made me feel bad, so here I am back again after just having written that I was on hiatus. I'm such a pleaser. Snippets people. That's all you're getting:

• Star Spotting: Husband spotted Nicole Kidman running on the trails. He says she is stalking him. Her bodyguard parks at one of the other ranger's houses and watches her with binoculars from his car. I wonder if his binocs are strong enough to see me peeing in our backyard because I do that when it seems easier than trying to convince Cheese Man (to your right there) that we should go inside so Mama can use the toilet.
• Karate Chop Update: Some of you know about the recent incident wherein I nearly got karate chopped by a student. I'm not exactly sure he was about to karate chop me, but his body language (a startle, stiffening, an immediate rise to the feet, squatting, arms up with fingers extended, etc.) indicated that there may have been some martial arts training in his background. Dreadmouse, maybe you can advise? Anyway, he and I have moved passed the problem ... talked about it, analyzed listener interpretation against speaker intention, worked it out, and finally, there is peace in grammar class. We are now happily conjugating verbs everyday between 10 and 10:50 a.m. And just so everyone is clear, "chop" is a regular verb, which means it has the same past tense and past participle forms. Next week count vs. noncount nouns. Karate = noncount. We make it plural with a measuring word.
• Personal Goal: I really need to stop buying box wine.
• Movie Picks: Do not rent the movie MONSTER just because Charlize Theron got an Oscar for her role. If a gorgeous actress takes a role where she gains weight and acts/looks a little disgusting, vulgar, revolting, or just weird, then hands down she'll get an oscar ... think of it: Sally Field in that go-go unions movie from the 70s, Julia Roberts in Ellen Brokovitch, Nicole Kidman in that Virginia Woolfe thing, Renee Zellweger in Cold Mountain, and now this. I didn't make it through Monster because if I wanna see a really ugly person chop up some truck drivers I'd rather just rent some awful horror movie and pretend that it's all made up and not based on a true story.
• Personal Admission: Tomorrow is my birthday.
• Shout Out: Today is my friend Master of None's birthday. Happy Birthday out in Vegas!

That's all I've got right now. Oh! One more thing: one of Husband's co-workers is getting married Memorial Day Weekend and her husband works for a major country music label. They're having karaoke at the wedding reception and since I invited myself to the wedding, THIS IS MY BIG CHANCE. Now, I need y'all to vote on what song(s) I should sing. Here are my specialties:

1. Killing Me Softly (Roberta Flack version)
2. Anything by the Dixie Chicks
3. It Matters to Me (Faith Hill)
4. Jesus, Take the Wheel (Carrie Underwood) -- actually I've never done this one in public, but in the car I can totally rock the house.
5. I Touch Myself
6. Hit Me with your Best Shot
7. Fame
8. What a Feeling
9. Anything from the Sound of Music (except that Mother Superior song about fjording rivers)
10. Fancy (Reba) ... you know! "Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy, and they'll be nice to you!"

Vote! Vote! It's your RIGHT!

Hmmm ... let's see ... what else?

Nothing. Nothing else.

Happy Birthday to Me! 1-21-77