Moonlighting & 100 Things

This is my day job. Clearly, I'm slacking a little. But at night, I'm really a professional teacher. I have a master's degree and everything. I drive 20 minutes to the community college and attempt to teach English to international students who are mostly refugees from various Middle Eastern countries and Africa. I learn so much more from them than they do from me. I haven't written about this job much because my day job sort of overshadows EVERYTHING in my life right now. But last night there was a priceless moment of Kimpossibleness that I must share:

It's Ramadan, so my Muslim students have been fasting all day by the time they arrive at 6:00 p.m. On Tuesday night, I have four Muslim students in my class, and they all called a private meeting with me (in the middle of mid-term exam review time) to ask if they could take a break and eat. Of course I say yes, proud that they feel comfortable enough to ask me. You see, my relationship with them is shaky at times. They are all about my age (or older), and so I'm always totally shocked at the level of respect. Plus, I used to teach 9th grade, which is like saying that you used to teach DRUNK ALIENS. Anyway, it's clear that the relationship between teachers and students in other countries is not anything like that of American Ts and Ss. The first night of class, Neda from Iran stood up as I entered the room and looked around at everyone else in shock because they stayed seated. She finally sat down after about five minutes, and after class she came to me and apologized for the other students' disrespectful behavior: They didn't stand up when I came into the room! The nerve! Just guess what kind of grades she's getting ... I'm not at all prejudiced, but flattery cannot be ignored. Anyway ... back to Ramadan ...

So, Parwin, from Iraq, all wrapped up in her head scarf, stays after class to inform me that it's Ramadan and that she needs to pray between 6:30 and 7:15 p.m. This is smack dab in the middle of class. So I said, "Well, Parwin, this is college, so you can just get up and walk out (quietly) whenever you need to."

She replies, "Yes, Ms. Kim, but I need to know WHEN I should leave to pray."

I say, "Why don't you leave at around 7:10 p.m., because that gives you 10 minutes before class is over at 7:20 and then you can come back after class to find out what you missed."

She says, "OK, Ms. Kim, but WHERE can I pray -- are there any available classrooms?"

ASIDE: I have TRIED to get them to STOP calling me Ms. Kim, but it's either that or "Teacher" (which is what Ibrahim from Ethiopia STILL calls me) . I really like BOLD, ITALICIZED TEXT (and Corona Light).

And I say -- are you ready for this -- "Well, I'm really not sure about open classrooms, but you could go to the dressing room in the bathroom (cue furrowed brow from Parwin) ... you know, the room that you walk into right before you get to the room with the toilets."

And she says (while looking at me like I am The Devil Herself), "Ms. Kim, it is NOT appropriate to pray in a bathroom."

Oh! Right! I NEVER pray in bathrooms. What in the world was I thinking? I would say, "Lord, help me." But I think "Allah, help me," is more appropriate.

So that's what my week has been like. I am not at all fit to be a mother or teacher, but somehow I have managed to snag both of these wonderful jobs. You can read more about my day job here.

So that's about it for now. I really want to participate in a blogger fad, which is to list 100 things about yourself, but I'm not sure at this point that I'll make it to 100 ... if not, GOOD NIGHT!

1. I like 'Nilla Wafers and I eat about eight per day because the side of the box says that eight is a serving.
2. I count things. I count stairs, walls, pumps up and down from the paper towel dispenser in the pbulic bathroom at work, socks coming out of the drier, etc. (I don't like the number six (or 12, or 18 -- in fact, 18 is the worst, because it is three sixes, the mark of the beast), and so if something counts up to that then I FIND A WAY to make it not be that number ... like if it's stairs, I'll count the ground level or the 2nd floor level in order to get to a better number.)
3. My worst fear is being attacked by wasps.
4. I like to drink wine and eat cheese (individually or collectively).
5. I am shamelessly addicted to every tooth-staining substance on P.E. (blueberries, coffee)
6. I obsessed with having clear urine. I drink water and I measure how much I drink and if my pee is yellow at all then I feel ashamed. Like today at The Goose's pediatrician's office, when I said, "He's been nursing a lot and I skipped a period." And she said, "Hmmm ... you know, marathon nursing is a BIG SIGN of pregnanc, because your milk changes when you're pregnant and they want to nurse more ... do you want me to do a pee test?" And I said, "Well, I took a Walgreen's brand test the other day, and it was negative." And she said, "Well, I've had four babies and I've gotten pregnant each time while I was nursing, and I'm not saying, I'm just saying." And I said, "Where's the cup?" But it was early and we had been at the doctor and all I had been drinking was coffee and it wasn't even yellow people, it was ORANGE and I was MORTIFIED. But it was negative, so I forgot about my embarrassment.
7. I secretly want to be Mrs. America. I have all the credentials: evening gowns (got it! I bought lots of dresses for various events in high school ... even one red one with beads in the shape of spider webs which we caught Vanna White wearing on "Wheel of Fortune" one night), talent (got it! I can sing and/or play the piano, OR tap dance, or do lyrical ballet to Christian Rock Favorites), interview (got it! hello? I am an A, #1 BULLSHITTER), answering questions onstage after being enclosed in a sound-proof booth (got it! OK, so I maybe don't have any booth experience, but I was in Jr. Miss when I was a senior in high school and at the time I remember insisting to people that it wasn't a pageant, but rather, a scholarship program, and I got in the top ten at the program, people, and while there, I met a girl who said, "Prepare to win; expect to lose. That way, you're not disappointed." And that has been my motto ever since.
8. I like dayplanners. I like to color code my to-do lists and use a symbols system to designate items as "done," "forwarded," or "deleted."
9. I can type super fast. Super fast. Grown men in the shared "adjunct office" ask me how fast I can type. They are secretly turned on by my teacher clothes and streaked hair. I know it.
10. I have dreams about whether or not Johnny Depp would like me in real life. I really like Johnny Depp.
11. I think it is gross when male country singers (like Kenny Chesney) wear those really tight blue jeans.
12. I like the Dixie Chicks.
13. I want to be a Dixie Chick.
14. I LOVE karaoke. I have routines. Like "Killing Me Softly" (the "softly" is always "whispered" -- if you do this enough times, then the crowd really gets into it, and if you stop singing the word "softly" then after a while the crowd will actually start WHISPERING it too!)
15. I secretly wish I had majored in anthropology. Or psychology. I think I should've maybe been a psychologist so I could tell people who date CROOKS to DUMP THEM.
16. I like funny foreign movies.
17. I like funny foreign people.
18. I hate the number 18 the most.
19. I like odd numbers, except when it comes to the number of children that we might have ... I don't want JEB to be like me (the only one) or one of more than two. If you have more than two, then you're outnumbered.
20. I don't like body hair on anybody.
21. I've always wanted blue eyes.
22. I think that the lack of attention to environmental issues might drive us into another economic depression.
23. I hope I never go through depression again. I was depressed for two years once. I took Zoloft and saw a psychologist. I thought trains were going to come through my bedroom windows in the middle of the night. I thought I was going crazy. I think depression (and any other mental illness) is one of the worst things that can happen to a person).
24. I would LOVE to write a book but I just can't ever pull myself together enough.
25. I may go back to school and get a Ph.D. in applied linguistics.
26. I've never been jealous in my life. Really.
27. I have to stop after completing only a little over 25% of this project because Husband just came home at 10:17 p.m. with some flowers and a bottle of wine called "Foxy: Alluring, sensual and flirtatious ... That's Foxy." Foxy? That's KIMMY.

Onward and Upward ...